Well, it seems as though I have stirred things up a bit with my recent television appearance on CBS.
I am a big believer that women's lib did wonders for our careers, but it did absolutely nothing for our dating lives and relationships!
Yes, you heard it from me. No wavering here. Is it possible that the women's movement had all the right intentions and the tide took it out to a place that it was never intended to go? I think so.
We now have all of the responsibilities of men without any of the benefits of being a woman.
Believe me, men are confused and quite frankly, a little angry. They no longer open doors and treat us in the way they used to.
Men not walking women to their cars, sitting back in an idle fashion and allowing the 'modern' woman to pursue. Not taking the time to get to know or court a woman, because sex is so readily available from the women that are competitive and "sexually liberated." We've painted ourselves into a dark corner ladies and it's time to redecorate.
Look at the older generation of men. They actually loved taking care of women and found it their pleasure to do so. They wanted to provide. Younger men need to take a cue from some of the more seasoned and experienced men out there.
Originally, the movement was created to deal with issues such as reproductive rights, domestic violence, maternity leave, equal pay and a whole host of other worthwhile and powerful ideas. Yes to all of that!
However, I don't think the original intention was to lose everything that we ARE good at along with all of the joys and perks that come with being a woman. We have different strengths that's all. One is not better than the other. Just different. If we keep trying to blend our differences, we will all end up with a very vanilla existence. Personally, I like a bit more flavor in my ice cream bowl.
Oh and by the way, just so you don't think I'm sitting in the burbs with my mini van, carpool, PTA meetings and sporting a floral pattern apron permanently sealed to my hips:
I'm a woman in my 30's living in Los Angeles. I have a career. I make my own money. I run a business. I like being successful.
None of these things make me stop being a girl. Nor am I able to use this as an excuse which I find so many women do.
We've all heard it: "I'm successful, so therefore I'm single because I intimidate men."
It's not easy, I will confess. I have to work harder to "clock out" at the end of the day, then the girl that works at the local coffee house. No offense to those women, it's just that those of us that have chosen powerful careers have to learn the art of untangling ourselves from all of the negative that comes with all the good we do.
There is so much pressure on us to "have it all" and be superwomen, that we have watered ourselves down and women are looking and feeling exhausted, tough and not vibrant at all.
That's what men don't like. It's not our success that makes them go running for the hills.
Women out there are holding on to their so called independence like it's a life jacket and they've just been tossed off the Titanic into the icy waters. The rage that I am getting from women is huge when I discuss this topic. Which means, there is something here. Something to look at.
I don't want women to revert back to 1950. I want to go a step further and modernize what we have now. I want to redefine what feminine strength is. Why? Because whatever is happening out there isn't working and it certainly isn't making men and women happy. I have interviewed and worked with singles for over a decade. I've been responsible for many, many relationships and marriages. I hear first hand, every day what challenges singles are facing out there.
All of the women that challenge me on this topic, are generally the women that are for the most part, single and not happy about it. There is nothing wrong with being single. I have loved my single days as many modern women do. If you aren't happy about it and you want a relationship, then stop defending your position and listen up. Do you want to prove a point or do you want to love fully and be loved in return?
My segment on CBS became about picking up the check or offering to pay. This was just the superficial aspect of what we were discussing.
My intention was not to get women to sit back and be passive and just take from men.
I encourage all women to have the self confidence to know that they offer something unique and different to a man that has nothing to do with how much money she makes or how many times she offers to pay the tab.
Let's get a bit more creative here!
Relationships are being seriously threatened and have become more like business arrangements.
When my man treats me to a nice dinner or date, believe me, I feel powerful. Not weak. When I do for my man and nurture and protect him, I feel like a Greek Goddess, not a meek little mouse. Watch the movie '300' and you will get a good example of feminine strength. Read your history books. Talk to your grandparents about the time when men were men and women were women. A time when one's work ethic matched and rivaled the determination to stay together. A time when divorce wasn't as accessible as Starbuck's or McDonald's.
"Behind every great man is a great woman". We all know that quote.
This again, is about redefining what we consider strength.
A man taking you out does not mean that you have no say, no voice or no opinion. It simply means that you are able to relax into all things feminine and open your man to a world of endless joy and opportunity.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
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2 comments:
I can't tell you what a relief it is to read this particular blog.I find that bringing up this sort of topic with other women virtually taboo (is there a support group for we women who are more traditionally inclined? Seriously!).
The women's lib movement was indeed vital in giving women more choices. Yet that doesn't mean career, now, should be everything. The good news is that we also have the choice to be either career driven, or to raise a family (and perhaps a mixture of both), depending on inclination. We also have the choice to change our minds. Thank goodness! (I, myself, used to be hugely career driven, only to discover that this was ingrained in me, and making me miserable).
But what, perhaps, I think we women risk losing touch with in our " drive to be successful" is how important and vital basic human connection (relationships/family) is.
And what if someone doesn't have that drive to be successful and career driven? There's no need to belittle soccer moms, and housewives in the burbs. Especially if both parties (husband and wife) cherish and love this role.
While some of it isn't exactly agreeable, the essence of what you wrote is great.
From a man's point of view it is great that there are a few women that don't buy into the feminist dogma.
For example. Men like a women to protect, does that make her "weak"? No, for women as a whole-- maybe physically weaker but there are many strengths that women have. Like the author says there are different strengths for both sex, and I don't think it is supposed to be competitive but rather complimentary.
It is very frustrating doing things for women after being yelled at that women aren't treated like equals. So I don't do the things I used to do for girls...after they want to be "equal." How far do many women want to take it?
Girls oftentimes get angry or frustrated with fewer guys asking them out on dates or being not being "assertive" enough. More and more guys are "giving up" on girls and going to porn because let's face it--it is easier than dealing with today's modern women. Why put up the stress?
Girls want it both ways; they want to be equal and independent, yet they still want a man to be the one to ask them out?
To me there is a difference between a woman and a girl. A girl--childish, believes to be equal and absolute, therefore need not a man around. A women grows beyond that by acknowledging men as a part of a greater whole.
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